The Weekend

I always tell everyone and I even mentioned it in one entry that my mom and dad they love each other so no matter what happens they'll be able to figure things out but just the other day I finally got the courage to ask my mom the question that I've been wanting to ask her since last year when our family was close to falling apart. "Do you still love dad?" It just came out of nowhere. And the rest of our conversation was just a blur. I wish I never asked that question. I just wanted to get some answers but what I did just got me all confused about a lot of things. I don't know what to believe in anymore. I now feel lost more than ever.


I know I said I'm switching to bangles and ditching my heart necklaces. Cause this year is about letting the hearts go. Well I changed my mind. I think I'm gonna be keeping them for awhile.;)

Red Dress

2:23 AM

April 8, 2011

If I have to think of an analogy. A perfect one that any girl can relate to when it comes to having ones heart broken. I think it would be like this, having a broken heart is like finding something really good in a store, a clothing, a dress that looks amazing on you but you're not quite sure of. So like any other woman you go home thinking that if I won't be able to sleep because of that piece of clothing then I'm gonna get it first thing in the morning. When you love someone you feel like he/she fit in every part of you, like when you look in the mirror you are the most amazing person because you are complete. You are one with something or someone. The feeling of serendipity, destiny or whatever they call it suddenly makes sense to you. You believe. But sometimes things mess up and suddenly you realize that when you go back to the store the next day the clothing doesn't look good as it seemed, it's not that flattering to wear anymore or worst someone already bought it. This will hurt really bad. It will feel really shitty. Especially if you already imagined yourself wearing the same outfit in some special occassion, you imagined it to be part of your wardrobe like when you imagine a guy to be part of your life. You'll feel devastated, crashed and even if you try to find something else that is even just a bit similar you'll feel like nothing can replace it. You will even compare at one point. Sometimes regret that you didn't buy it the first time you saw it. Regrets seem to be always there when we love something.

But then as it sinks in that you cannot do anything about it like things in life that we have no control of, you slowly let go. Focus on others things that also make you happy. Shoes, bags, the list goes on. In life we have our family, friends, our faith, they help us to move on. Make us continue to live. And though it's as if like we will never feel as good as when we were wearing that one clothing that we just lost, we still manage to pray, hope, have faith that we can find something that will not replace but someohow something that is far better.

Sometimes it can really happen that while we're walking on a street with a sea of people, we'll see some girl wearing the same dress, that same exact one that we went crazy about and in moments like that the world stops moving, then suddenly we just find ourselves smiling because behind that girl is a shop window with a Valentino dress or perfect pair of Louboutin in our size just waiting to be purchased.:)

Closing Time *playing in the background*

Nagpunta ako sa Plato nuong Friday for a quick booze before I went to QC where I had planned to spend my weekend. Habang ako ay umiinom, di ko mapigilang tignan ang buong lugar. The place has undeniably changed. The interiors and the people were no longer familiar. Pinagdmasdan kong mabuti ang bawat detalye, pati ang mga tao, yung mga d ko kilala pati na din ang mga kasama ko. Lahat nga talaga iba na. Ultimo ang iniinom nmin. Wala na ang happy horse. Then I turned to look at myself, Sakin kaya anong nagbago?

Napangiti ako. Naisip ko. Wala. Cute pa din ako. That's definitely gonna be one thing as constant as change.

Ito ang unang beses na ako ay gumamit ng tagalog sa aking pagsulat and as you can see I suck at it. Puro kalokohan ang naiisip ko. Ito na yata ang pinaka walang kwentang blog entry na nagawa ko.:D

Back in the days.

"A friend took me to the most amazing place the other day. It's called the Augusteum. Octavian Augustus built it to house his remains. When the barbarians came they trashed it a long with everything else. The great Augustus, Rome's first true great emperor. How could he have imagined that Rome, the whole world as far as he was concerned, would be in ruins. It's one of the quietest, loneliest places in Rome. The city has grown up around it over the centuries. It feels like a precious wound, a heartbreak you won't let go of because it hurts too good. We all want things to stay the same. Settle for living in misery because we're afraid of change, of things crumbling to ruins. Then I looked at around to this place, at the chaos it has endured - the way it has been adapted, burned, pillaged and found a way to build itself back up again. And I was reassured, maybe my life hasn't been so chaotic, it's just the world that is, and the real trap is getting attached to any of it. Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation." --Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert