Bangles

January 2, 2011
12:10 AM

If there's one thing that I've learned from my mom it's that when a place is already full of memories wheather good or bad people have to move on from it. Leave everything behind and go to a whole new different place. Follow an entirely different direction. It is because of that same reason that they now live in Quezon City and I'm now living in a new area in the Metro. I have to admit that 2010 has been a really tough one for me and my family. I actually have no words to describe it. It was a year when I really felt sad about a lot of things. There was even a time when I was seriously depressed and felt like I needed to undergo a treatment of some kind. My parents almost splitting up and some major events that followed that became too much for me. Moving to a new place wasn't enough. I felt like I had to turn away from everything including from people that are really important to me. I wanted to get better the way I know how and that would be without the help of anyone. I stopped drinking and going out. I refused to see other people. At the end everything passed like they're supposed to but I can't help but feel that I somehow stopped living. I made it out but there's no one to share it to, no people to celebrate it with. Suddenly it doesn't feel that good. It wasn't a good way to win at things. I now realize that I can do things on my own. Be independent whenever I want to but I'm still always gonna need other people. I don't need to tell them everything but I want to know that I have them. Always.

While attending the mass awhile ago with my family, I suddenly couldn't help but cry. I am such a cry baby, it annoys me at times. I started staring at my mom, my dad and at my sister who was just standing next to me. At that moment I felt really happy that we are still complete as a family. There was a time when I really was almost sure that I wouldn't see that this 2011. The feeling was incomparable. After that I prayed to God and thanked him for all circumstances that he made me go through in order to realize how truly blessed I am. Then I looked at the ceiling of the church. Stared at the ceiling for quite some time. I wasn't expecting a miracle or apparition to happen. It was just to stop the tears from falling cause as I said.. it was really annoying.

I think I can move to different cities, even to another country but I'd prefer to bring the memories of the year that had just passed along with me. 2010 was all about learnings, new experiences and one sweet love.<3

...2011 is still going to be about the same things and a whole lot more. This year I plan to focus on doing the things that I really like from yoga, fashion to lomography. And I also decided to stop collecting long necklaces and switch to bangles. This year I'm letting the hearts go.;)

2011 is gonna be super!

Bottoms up. Xoxo

There are so many other wonderful things that eyes could see if they are really focused. Life's kind of like a painting. A really bizarre, abstract painting. You could look at it and think that all it is, is just a blur. But if you really look at it, really see it, focus on it, and use your imagination, life can become so much more. The painting could be of the sea, the sky, people, buildings, a butterfly on a flower, or anything except the blur you were once convinced it was.

-If You Could See Me Now by Cecilia Ahern

San Beda

December 1, 2010

I moved into a very old boarding house with floors that creak when walked on. I didn't have time and was far too lazy to find a good place so I just settled in a house just accross from our old apartment. During the first few days of my stay, I thought I was gonna go crazy because everybody including tita Lyn (the landlady who's also my mom's friend) slept really early. It was insane. I'm so used to watching tv till the wee hours so it was like a torture for me to sleep in a house with an early lights off rule. I was always allowed to use the television whenever I want to but the thing is, tita Lyn owns a very old fashioned tv which I never really figured out how to use. My roommate was really kind. Quiet. Very quiet. When asked about her my usual answer would be "I don't really know if she has the capacity to talk." But she does on rare occassions like when she's inviting me to eat or..well..that's just about it. And there were those people upstairs whom I seldom get to see due to their hectic schedule. They have very interesting occupations. Tita Lyn says they entertain guests. Mostly foreigners. I had this crazy idea about what they actually do for a living but I never had the guts to ask tita Lyn about it. They were really nice anyway. Well except for this one girl named Kathy who tita Lyn says is jealous of me. "Si Tara na lang ang mahal mo." were her actual words during one of their conversations. I just laughed when tita Lyn told me about it. I really don't care since I don't see her that often. The people in the boarding house usually spend their afternoons playing monopoly. I find that game really boring so I always come up with excuses not to play. As days passed, I got used to the silence of my new found home. Sometimes I find myself staring at the ceiling or at the window infront of me. Living in a quiet new house with new people was just what I needed. It was far from the chaos of the months that just passed. Day by day I got accustomed to my new lifestyle.


It wasn't everyday that life is good in my new house. I had days wherein I didn't even want to get out of bed. Hearts get broken everywhere is how I would describe it. Haha But God is really good cause that's when Kat came in. She's a colleague who also got interested to live on her own because she needed a quiet place where she can study for her upcoming nursing board exam and also because like me she wanted to breathe for a little while. I can't explain her life story in full detail because I believe it's her own story to tell but it's amazing how similar we are in ways more than one. Needless to say I found someone whom I can do almost everything with from sleeping late to eating tons and tons of food. The house came to life with Kat around. I think my other roommate sometimes gets annoyed when Kat and I talk until past 3 in the morning but of course we don't hear anything from her. She really doesn't talk. The boarding house became like a second home and tita Lyn like a second mom to me. She was really caring to both me and Kat. She turned out to be really cool unlike my first impression of her. There was even one time when Kat and I went church hopping with her. It was really fun. I almost died in St. Jude because of the huge crowd but San Beda was worth it because it was really really beautiful. I felt like I was having mass in Rome while Kat was just busy looking at handsome priests. Unfortunately, my dad didn't allow me to stay in tita Lyn's boarding house. The plan was for me to stay there only for a month. So Kat and I went from pros and cons to all sorts of decision making strategies till we finally decided on a dormitory called Esteran which was highly convenient because it was just a couple of blocks aways from our office. I can now go to work in my pjs. Haha


For our last day Kat cooked lunch for everybody but tita Lyn just sent us a txt message giving us a lame excuse why she can't come home that day. Kat and I think the real reason was because she was too sad that we're leaving. Our last night at the house was truly unforgettable. Kat bought a new ipod so we decided to listen to the songs that she just downloaded. We spent the whole night singing out loud. I was pretty sure everyone in the whole house heard it even tita Lyn who was just in the next room. It was our last night anyway so we definitely had to do something that will help the house remember us by. As for our roommate who was just in the same room.. well she doesn't talk anyway.

We plan to visit tita Lyn this Christmas. We're still thinking of a good present to bring for everyone. I'm thinking of Snakes and Ladders.

I will miss everything about our old place from our old apartment to tita Lyn's somewhat crazy boarding house. Drunk or sober, Paseo de Galvan will always be my favorite street in the Metro.





The street at past 5 in the morning.:D

Esteran's Contract

Please enter our gates with troubles of the world behind you. Be respestful to our staff, to all our guests and to our home away from home."

What the heck does that mean?? These guys are funny.ROFL

Moving on

November 14, 2010
6:43 PM

As I looked at my bags, my clothes all piled up in my bed ready to be packed. I suddenly felt like I already miss my family even though they're just downstairs also packing up boxes that they're gonna bring when they move to our new apartment in Quezon City. I practically lived with my family my whole life. I have to admit there were tough times but other times it was good. I felt like I can do anything when I'm with them. My family can be quite a handful but I will choose them in any lifetime over and over. I suddenly felt nervous and scared that I'm actually gonna be on my own but mostly I just feel like I'm terribly gonna miss my family.

The day they moved, I went to work early. I told my mom "I have to go now. This is all too much for me. I'm very emotional now." She laughed so hard. I left without even looking back. I thought to myself, why the heck was she laughing? Who said I was kidding?!



There were tons of stuff that I had to bring..



and some I had to give away..:(



A list is a must. I love OC packing!!<3>






I moved to a boarding house just accross the street owned by a lady whom I always found very weird. She and her house is another story.;)

The More Loving One

Looking up at the stars, I know quite well
That, for all they care, I can go to hell,
But on earth indifference is the least
We have to dread from man or beast.
How should we like it were stars to burn
With a passion for us we could not return?
If equal affection cannot be,
Let the more loving one be me.
Admirer as I think I am
Of stars that do not give a damn,
I cannot, now I see them, say
I missed one terribly all day.
Were all stars to disappear or die,
I should learn to look at an empty sky
And feel its total dark sublime,
Though this might take me a little time.

-W. H. Auden

Small World

Hey Jasmin Banares! What in the world were you thinking checking the daily traffic report in this website?! Wtf?

Tara sucks! (heart)

After some time. Moving out not just from our house but from just about everything and everyone. My heart is still crashed. If this is a bet, talong talo ako. Hahaha It amazes me how I can still find humor in small things. I definitely don't rock nowadays.

Majinbu

Just when I thought I'll never laugh again.. I saw this picture.